The tension caused by the gap between our aspirations and our reality drives us to learn, adapt, achieve our goals and strive for excellence. However, when we are unable to cope with the demands and pressures in our life, we fall into a state of emotional or mental strain. This state is what is commonly termed as Stress.

Chronic stress has a wearing effect on people that can become a very serious health risk if it continues over a long period of time. It leads to various physiological conditions like Hypertension, increased blood sugar levels, loss of appetite and in extreme cases memory loss.

Circumstances may not always be favourable or to our liking. However it is not the situation that causes the stress. Stress arises from the way we deal with the situation. Once we accept this, we can find ways of dealing with the negative effects of tensions produced by life situations.

Here are some tried and tested ways of dealing with stress

Manage your work load and your time

Are you trying to do too much? Let’s face it. Everyone has a limit to what they can achieve in a certain amount of time. Heavy work load does add to the pressure and when we are unable to cope, we get stressed. Is someone making you do more than you can? Is your life situation forcing you to attend to too many activities all by yourself? If it is work related, you may need to talk to your supervisor and have your work load reviewed. If it is a household or family responsibility, you should try and get some help. After all you have only 2 hands.

Talk, Talk, Talk

Many of our difficulties arise from the fact that we have not clearly communicated our point of view to others. You need to be assertive and speak up. If you feel that your boss has given you too much work on a Friday evening, thereby effectively ruining your weekend, you may need to communicate this to him. Silence is often considered acceptance and if you don’t say so the other person assumes that you are OK with it. Whether it is your boss, mother in law, spouse, sibling or parent, you need to get your point across in a cordial and non-threatening way.

Stop blaming the situation and feeling like you are the victim When things go wrong, we sometimes feel that life is unfair. That there is grand conspiracy against us and somehow events and people are conspiring to give us difficult time. There may not be much truth in this. The truth, however much unpalatable it may be, is that we have landed in the current situation on account of our conscious and unconscious acts and attitudes.

Take responsibility for your life

You are the pilot flying the plane. The controls are in your hands. You have just got to take charge and assume responsibility. Once you do that, you can fly the plane and pretty much go where you want to. As long as you believe that the controls are with someone else, you will feel helpless and victimised.

Get a look at your life from the outside

Can you look at your life as if it is playing on the movie screen. You will then see that the character has created several conditions that make it difficult for her to achieve her goals. She has made assumptions about her own capabilities and about what others think of her. She also has selective vision. She is unable to see some situations that are visible to others. It is as if there is an elephant in the room and she does not notice it.

Many of us have this problem. We are our greatest opponents. We pull ourselves down more than anyone else. We have tunnel vision and blind spots

What limitations have you set in your life. What assumptions have you made? Are they true?

Get an objective look at your life. If needed, ask a trusted friend or a parent or coach to help you look at your negative thought patterns and behaviour and how they are limiting you and keeping you back from achieving your goal.

Strive for balance

Remember the tightrope walker in the circus. He uses a pole to keep his balance. As we go through life, we too need to maintain a balance. There are 4 major domains in our life Work/ Study, Home, Friends/Community & Our Self. Our wellbeing and satisfaction in each of them in some way or the other affects the others.

If we are unhappy at home, it affects our work. If we neglect our physical / spiritual health, it affects our ability to have meaningful relationships with our friends. Don’t go overboard in any one domain of your life such that it begins to tell on the others. If you work 60 hrs a week in office, it is bound to affect your family life and your health. Having a happy life is all about striking the right balance.

Reach out, you are not alone

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that no one cares for you. There is always someone who you can approach for help. It may be a friend, a family member or a trusted colleague. Reach out to them. Talk to them about what you are going through. Talking helps bring out feelings that you have kept bottled up for a long time. It helps to relieve the pressure. In doing so, you will also be able to see your life situation more clearly. You will begin to see the options that are available to you.

In case you can’t find any one close to you who you can talk to, you can get professional help. You can talk to a counsellor who will help you manage your stress. The counsellor will listen to you with empathy and caring. These services offer confidentiality so you can talk about anything that is bothering you without fear of it being used to your disadvantage.